I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
