this beer tastes like vomit already
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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