Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
