like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
