i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
