I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
