cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize