so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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