My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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