i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize