Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
