So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
