Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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