The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
