i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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