i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize