he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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