i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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