I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
