I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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