i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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