I'm so fucking centered right now
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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