see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize