Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
In America we eat man semen.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
