dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
