If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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