Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
