and you said cock pushups were impossible
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
