What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
