Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
