i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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