He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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