haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Randomize
