You smell like stripper and shame
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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