I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
