I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
