Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
