I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
