omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
