u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize