The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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