Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
