get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
