the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
