Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize