dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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