My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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