I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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