Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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