i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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