I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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