I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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