that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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