508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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