First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize