It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
