Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
