Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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