I wish I only lived at night.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
