Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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