I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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