whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
