Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
