I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
