I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
