I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
