apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
