At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
