I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
