You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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