Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
