You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
