i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
