Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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