spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
