In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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