How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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