My hair reeks of homosexuality.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
