Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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