before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
