And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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