I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize