i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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