Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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