woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
