Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
